Ten Rejected Topics For Piano Teacher Conferences

Adding Verbal Color to Clementi & Burgmuller

Discover the excitement that so many teachers are missing out when they omit profane language from their teaching of late beginning and early intermediate repertoire.

Parallel Octaves & Universes

Learn how the latest discoveries in string theory and quantum physics change the way we approach injury-free octave piano technique.

A nationally-renown clinician cleverly demonstrates the potential of both profanity and ridicule in a lesson.

Don’t Start Over, Keep Going!

A 60-minute performance of the first half of the first movement of Beethoven’s “Moonlight” Sonata played 22 times, demonstrating by example why starting over in the middle of a piece is the wrong thing to do.

Grand Keys Publishing Company Showcase

Come and see all of the recent publications from Grand Keys, featuring our most recent book Piano Porno, a collection of 24 intermediate piano duets from the neglected genre of erotica film music.

The C-4 Effect

A presentation that shows why middle C (also known as the explosive substance C-4) should always be played at the dynamic level of fffff whenever it appears in common repertoire, regardless of musical context.  A short program of three nocturnes (Field, Chopin and Grieg) will be presented at the end, all employing the C-4 Effect.

Concealing Technology In The Studio

A hands-on workshop that will give teachers more skills in obscuring students’ view of technology so that you can read, text, talk on the phone, and even play video games while you teach!

Gender Studies In Piano Acoustics

This lecture will explore the implications of current findings in the emerging science of sex differences on fundamental and partial frequencies of metal strings inside of pianos.

Give Satie a Chance

A showcase of this year’s winning conference composition competition, a 60-minute chance composition consisting of the opening left hand patterns of the three Satie Gymnopedies.

Current Developments In Performance Anxiety Studies

A workshop that will show you the latest techniques in helping students overcome performance anxiety, including exorcising anxiety demons and making your face red and staring at students angrily until they are not nervous anymore.

Rediscovering C Scale Fingering

A fresh new look at all possible right hand fingerings for the C major scale, beginning with “1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1,” “1 1 1 1 1 1 1 2,” etc. Left hand fingering possibilities may also be explored depending on questions from the audience.

Reverse Psychology and Ridicule in Piano Instruction

There is nothing like being told “you can’t” to motivate students to believe they can! Learn how to unlock great hidden potential of student self-efficacy by telling them that they are poised to have a train wreck in the middle of their upcoming performance, or that they will never sit in the chair you sit in no matter how hard they work. Watch your students grow beyond your wildest expectations as they work to defy your every word!

(c) 2014 Cerebroom

About Chad

Chad is a pianist, composer, piano teacher and blogger with a Masters Degree in Piano Performance. He received the 2005 Nevada Arts Council Fellowship Grant for the composing and performing on his Ostinato CD.
Humor

4 responses to Ten Rejected Topics For Piano Teacher Conferences


  1. Linda

    It’s midnight. I’m laughing so hard. You hit home for sure and especially the cartoon! Thanks.

  2. Anonymous

    I love this! I would definitely approve any of these topics. They need to get some more open-minded members on that committee!

  3. Laura

    I’m late to the party on this post from two years ago. Hilarious!

  4. Linda

    Have read this a few years ago and just read it again…LOL! My husband didn’t hear me say this was a list of “Rejected Conference Topics” so he was wondering….”WTF?”

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